Английские анекдоты / English Jokes

I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast.”

“How did you get away?”

“As a last resort,[53 - as a last resort – в качестве последнего средства] I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage.”

* * *

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.

“Wow,” said the first guy. “I wonder how deep it is?”

“I don’t know,” said the second.

“Let’s find out.” With that, he dropped a rock down the hole. They waited and waited, but didn’t hear it hit bottom.

“Hmm. Let’s try a bigger rock,” said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but didn’t hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie,[54 - railroad tie – железнодорожная шпала] which they lifted together and dumped down the hole.

While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they’d seen a goat.

“Yeah, just now,” said one of the first two guys. “It just ran up and jumped down this hole.”

“Oh, well then it couldn’t have been my goat,” said the third guy. “My goat was tied to an old railroad tie.

* * *

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.

One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles, “Well, my memory is just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,[55 - knock on wood – как бы не сглазить]” she says as she raps on the table.

* * *

Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter.