The Sun and Her Flowers. Белые стихи, от которых распускаются цветы

someone call the plumber

my stomach is backed up – i’ve been vomiting since

call the electrician

my eyes won’t light up

call the cleaners to wash me up and hang me to dry

when you broke into my home

it never felt like mine again

i can’t even let a lover in without getting sick

i lose sleep after the first date

lose my appetite

become more bone and less skin

forget to breathe

every night my bedroom becomes a psych ward

where panic attacks turn men

into doctors to keep me calm

every lover who touches me – feels like you

their fingers – you

mouths – you

until they’re not the ones

on top of me anymore – it’s you

and i am so tired

of doing things your way

– it isn’t working

i’ve spent years trying to figure out

how i could have stopped it

but the sun can’t stop the storm from coming

the tree can’t stop the ax

i can’t blame myself for having a hole

the size of your manhood in my chest anymore

it’s too heavy to carry your guilt – i’m setting it down

i’m tired of decorating this place with your shame

as if it belongs to me

it’s too much to walk around with

what your hands have done

if it’s not my hands that have done it

the truth comes to me suddenly – after years of rain

the truth comes like sunlight

pouring through an open window

it takes a long time to get here

but it all comes full circle

it takes a broken person to come searching

for meaning between my legs

it takes a complete.

person to survive it

it takes monsters to steal souls

and fighters to reclaim them

this home is what i came into this world with

was the first home

will be the last home

you can’t take it

there is no space for you

no welcome mat

no extra bedrooms

i’m opening all the windows

airing it out

putting flowers in a vase

in the middle of the kitchen table

lighting a candle

loading the dishwasher with all of my thoughts

until they’re spotless

scrubbing the countertops

and then

i plan to step into the bathtub

wash yesterday out of my hair

decorate my body in gold

put music on

sit back

put my feet up

and enjoy

this typical thursday afternoon

дом

я помню лишь, что этот день был обычным четвергом.

солнечный зайчик поцеловал мои веки – с добрым утром.