33 лучших юмористических рассказа на английском / 33 Best Humorous Short Stories

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�Fearful! Call you this fearful, ha! ha! ha! Look! you wretched little atom, look!’ and he dashed forward, and, leaping out of the window, stood like a statue in the pelting storm, with folded arms. He did not stay long, but in a few minutes returned by way of the hall chimney. I saw from the way that he wiped his feet on my dress that he had again forgotten my presence.

�You are a governess. What can you teach?’ he asked, suddenly and fiercely thrusting his face in mine.

�Manners!’ I replied, calmly.

�Ha! teach ME!’

�You mistake yourself,’ I said, adjusting my mittens. �Your manners require not the artificial restraint of society. You are radically polite; this impetuosity and ferociousness is simply the sincerity which is the basis of a proper deportment. Your instincts are moral; your better nature, I see, is religious. As St. Paul justly remarks – see chap. 6, 8, 9, and 10 —’

He seized a heavy candlestick, and threw it at me. I dodged it submissively but firmly.

�Excuse me,’ he remarked, as his under jaw slowly relaxed. �Excuse me, Miss Mix – but I can’t stand St. Paul! Enough – you are engaged.’

Chapter IV

I followed the housekeeper as she led the way timidly to my room. As we passed into a dark hall in the wing, I noticed that it was closed by an iron gate with a grating. Three of the doors on the corridor were likewise grated. A strange noise, as of shuffling feet and the howling of infuriated animals, rang through the hall.

I took off my dress, and, putting on a yellow flannel nightgown, which I could not help feeling did not agree with my complexion, I composed myself to rest by reading Blair’s Rhetoric and Paley’s Moral Philosophy. I had just put out the light, when I heard voices in the corridor. I listened attentively. I recognized Mr. Rawjester’s stern tones.

�Have you fed No. 1?’ he asked.

�Yes, sir,’ said a gruff voice, apparently belonging to a domestic.

�How’s No. 2?’

�She’s a little off her feed, just now, but will pick up in a day or two!’

�And No. 3?’

�Perfectly furious, sir. Her tantrums are ungovernable.’

�Hush!’

The voices died away, and I sank into a fitful slumber.

I dreamed that I was wandering through a tropical forest. Suddenly I saw the figure of a gorilla approaching me.