The Twelve Chairs / Двенадцать стульев. Книга для чтения на английском языке

Pasha Emilevich alone waggled his head in the style of an epicurean and, wiping some strings of cabbage from his moustache, observed:

В«It's a sin to eat cabbage like this without vodkaВ».

В«Is this a new intake of women?В» asked Ostap.

В«They're orphansВ», replied Alchen, shouldering the inspector out of the kitchen and surreptitiously shaking his fist at the orphans.

В«Children of the Volga Region?В»

Alchen was confused.

В«A trying heritage from the Tsarist regime?В»

Alchen spread his arms as much as to say: В«There's nothing you can do with a heritage like thatВ».

В«Co-education by the composite method?В»

Without further hesitation the bashful Alchen invited the fire inspector to take pot luck and lunch with him.

Pot luck that day happened to be a bottle of Zubrovka vodka, home-pickled mushrooms, minced herring, Ukrainian beet soup containing first-grade meat, chicken and rice, and stewed apples.

В«SashchenВ», said Alexander Yakovlevich, В«I want you to meet a comrade from the province fire-precaution administrationВ».

Ostap made his hostess a theatrical bow and paid her such an interminable and ambiguous compliment that he could hardly get to the end of it. Sashchen, a buxom woman, whose good looks were somewhat marred by sideburns of the kind that Tsar Nicholas used to have, laughed softly and took a drink with the two men.

В«Here's to your communal servicesВ», exclaimed Ostap.

The lunch went off gaily, and it was not until they reached the stewed fruit that Ostap remembered the point of his visit.

В«Why is itВ», he asked, В«that the furnishings are so skimpy in your establishment?В»

В«What do you mean?В» said Alchen. В«What about the harmonium?В»

В«Yes, I know, vox humana. But you have absolutely nothing at all of any taste to sit on. Only garden benchesВ».

В«There's a chair in the recreation roomВ», said Alchen in an offended tone. В«An English chair. They say it was left over from the original furnitureВ».

В«By the way, I didn't see your recreation room. How is it from the point of view of fire hazard? It won't let you down, I hope. I had better see itВ».

В«CertainlyВ».

Ostap thanked his hostess for the lunch and left.

No primus was used in the recreation room; there was no portable stove of any kind; the chimneys were in a good state of repair and were cleaned regularly, but the chair, to the incredulity of Alchen, was missing. They ran to look for it.