Three Men in a Boat (To say Nothing of the Dog) / Трое в лодке, не считая собаки

The hotel bill came to fifteen guineas; and my friend, after reckoning everything up, found that the cheeses had cost him eight-and-sixpence a pound.В  He said he dearly loved a bit of cheese, but it was beyond his means; so he determined to get rid of them.В  He threw them into the canal; but had to fish them out again, as the bargemen complained.В  They said it made them feel quite faint.В  And, after that, he took them one dark night and left them in the parish mortuary.В  But the coroner discovered them, and made a fearful fuss.

He said it was a plot to deprive him of his living by waking up the corpses.

My friend got rid of them, at last, by taking them down to a seaside town, and burying them on the beach.В  It gained the place quite a reputation.В  Visitors said they had never noticed before how strong the air was, and weak-chested and consumptive people used to throng there for years afterwards.

Fond as I am of cheese, therefore, I hold that George was right in declining to take any.

“We shan’t want any tea,” said George (Harris’s face fell at this); “but we’ll have a good round, square, slap-up meal at seven—dinner, tea, and supper combined.”

Harris grew more cheerful.  George suggested meat and fruit pies, cold meat, tomatoes, fruit, and green stuff.  For drink, we took some wonderful sticky concoction of Harris’s, which you mixed with water and called lemonade, plenty of tea, and a bottle of whisky, in case, as George said, we got upset.

It seemed to me that George harped too much on the getting-upset idea.В  It seemed to me the wrong spirit to go about the trip in.

But I’m glad we took the whisky.

We didn’t take beer or wine.  They are a mistake up the river.  They make you feel sleepy and heavy.  A glass in the evening when you are doing a mouch round the town and looking at the girls is all right enough; but don’t drink when the sun is blazing down on your head, and you’ve got hard work to do.

We made a list of the things to be taken, and a pretty lengthy one it was, before we parted that evening.В  The next day, which was Friday, we got them all together, and met in the evening to pack.В  We got a big Gladstone for the clothes, and a couple of hampers for the victuals and the cooking utensils.В  We moved the table up against the window, piled everything in a heap in the middle of the floor, and sat round and looked at it.

I said I’d pack.