The Code of the Woosters / Фамильная честь Вустеров

“But why does Uncle Tom want his frightful cow-creamer? It’s a ghastly object. He would be far better without it.”

“He doesn’t think so. Well, there it is. Perform this simple, easy task for me, or guests at my dinner table will soon be saying: �Why is it that we never seem to see Bertie Wooster here anymore?’ Bless my soul, what an amazing lunch that was that Anatole gave us yesterday! �Superb’ is the only word. I don’t wonder you’re fond of his cooking. As you sometimes say, it melts in the mouth.

I eyed her sternly. “Aunt Dahlia, this is blackmail!”

“Yes, isn’t it?” she said, and beetled off[50 - beetled off – упорхнула]. I resumed my seat, and ate a moody slice of cold bacon.

Jeeves entered. “The bags are packed, sir.”

“Very good, Jeeves,” I said. “Then let us be starting.”

* * *

“Jeeves,” I said, breaking a thoughtful silence which had lasted for about eighty seven miles, “I am in a big trouble.

“Sir?”

I frowned. The man was discreet, and this was no time for discretion.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know all about it, Jeeves,” I said coldly. “You were in the next room throughout my interview with Aunt Dahlia, and her remarks must have been audible in Piccadilly[51 - Piccadilly – Пикадилли].”

He dropped the mask.

“Well, yes, sir, I must confess that I gathered the substance of the conversation.”

“Very well, then. You agree with me that the situation is dreadful?”

“Certainly a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, sir.

“If I had my life to live again, Jeeves, I would start it as an orphan without any aunts. Don’t they put aunts in Turkey in sacks and drop them in the Bosphorus[52 - Bosphorus – Босфор]?”

“Odalisques[53 - odalisques – одалиски (служанки в гареме султана)], sir, I understand.

“Well, why not aunts? Look at the trouble they cause in the world. I tell you, Jeeves, and you may quote me as saying this—behind every poor, innocent, harmless blighter who is going down, you will find, if you look carefully enough, the aunt.”

“There is much in what you say, sir.”

“It is no use telling me that there are bad aunts and good aunts. They are all alike. Consider this Dahlia, Jeeves. I have always respected her.